Living Hell Extra! ================== The Quotable Ozzy ================= "Washington power brokers, celebrities, Hollywood stars, Ozzy Osbourne." - George W. Bush As the inaugural season of MTV's most successful series ever draws to a close-- the last episode was broadcast last night-- the stum- bling, mumbling patriarch of the "Osbournes" has had a profound (if profane) impact on a whole new generation. Er, rather, generations. From teens who've never heard of him to geezers who never listened to, John Michael Osbourne is popular culture's new Most Dysfunction- al Dad. And if the insanely popular "reality sitcom" has taught us anything-- other than "this is your brain after decades of drugs"-- it's that Ozzy Osbourne, heavy metal's loopy uncle (godfather?), is relatively harmless. F****** innocuous. And, dare I say it-- dare! dare!-- family-friendly. So don't let the dead bats and decapitated doves scare you. Ozzy's alright. And his longtime fans have long-known this, albeit through encounters with a different person/persona. As hinted at in the TV series through the occasional concert clip, Ozzy on stage is nothing like Ozzy at home. Raise the curtain and Mr. Sharon Osbourne be- comes larger. Louder. His own force of nature. This author's seen him in concert four or five times, by my memories are my tainted by a double-decade's idolatry. [ Insert picture of long-faded "Ultimate Tour" concert tee ] For a better glimpse of the "Other Ozz," let's turn instead to his recordings and the stage patter and song introductions from three live albums (plus one of two live EP's). We've heard him at home; here's Dad at *work*... Abbreviations: SOTD - Speak of the Devil, Jet, 1982 T - Tribute, CBS Associated, 1987 JSO - Just Say Ozzy, CBS Associated, 1990 LAL - Live and Loud, Epic/Sony, 1993 Better Living Through Controlled Substances ------------------------------------------- Is everybody high? (SOTD) Keep on smokin' it! (SOTD) It's a number entitled "Flying High Again", so keep on smoking those joints! (T) Black Sabbath Songs Are Good ---------------------------- Let's go for "Iron Man!" (SOTD) Alright, we're gonna do "Paranoid!" (T) Alright, I want everyone to start rockin' 'n' rollin', because we're going to do "Children Of The Grave!" (T) Brought to You By The Council to Prevent Hearing Loss ----------------------------------------------------- Louder! (SOTD) Make a noise! (LAL) Louder, come on! (LAL) Make some noise! (LAL) Let's hear it! (LAL) Let me hear you! (LAL) I wanna hear you! (LAL) I wanna hear you. I wanna hear *you*. I wanna hear _you_. I wanna hear **everybody**. (LAL) I can't hear you! (LAL) But He'd Fit Right in at Mardi Gras ----------------------------------- Show me some tits, man! (LAL) Charges Include Attempted Inciting of a Crowd into Violence ----------------------------------------------------------- Let's have a riot! (SOTD) C'mon ------ C'mon! (T) C'mon now! (SOTD) C'mon! Ow! (SOTD) C'mon guys! (SOTD) C'mon let's go! (SOTD) C'mon! Get crazy! (SOTD) C'mon clap your hands! (SOTD) C'mon let's see those hands! (SOTD) C'mon everybody clap your hands! (T) C'mon everybody stand up now, c'mon! (T) C'mon now people! (T) Crowd Control ------------- Stand up! (T) Everybody stand up! (T) You guys upstairs stand up! (T) Let me see you stand up, man (T) Crowd Control (Explicit) ------------------------ Raise the f****** roof! (LAL) Come on, go f****** crazy for me! (LAL) Raise this f****** roof, will you? (LAL) Come on, let's see some f****** hands clap! (LAL) Alright, everybody clap your motherf****** hands, c'mon! (LAL) Dreams ------ Now when I was a small guy there, about I dunno, I had many f****** dreams, man. Many, many dreams. And thanks to you guys, every one of those f****** dreams came true and more. And, f*** _____, and when I say to you guys "I love you," I love you. And when I say "I need you," it's 'cause I need you. You are the whole reason for me being here. I thank you from the bottom of my heart (LAL) Fire Safety, Identification of Handheld Incendiary Devices And -------------------------------------------------------------- Let me see your cigarette lighters! (LAL) Flattery will Get You Everywhere -------------------------------- You're beautiful! (T) You guys are great man! (JSO) You're the greatest, people! (SOTD) You're the f******* greatest, man! (LAL) Going Once, Going Twice ----------------------- This is the last time to go f****** crazy! (LAL) Hands ----- Clap your hands! (LAL) Everybody clap your hands! (SOTD) Everybody clap your hands, c'mon! (T) Let's see some hands! (SOTD) Let's see your hands in the air! (LAL) Everybody stick their hands in the air! (T) Everybody's hands out, c'mon! (T) Everybody's hands! (T) He Can Count, Too! ------------------ C'mon let me hear you shout it out! On the count of three! One! Two! Three! One more time! One! Two! Three! (SOTD) He Loves Us All -------------- I love ya! (LAL) I love you! (LAL) I love you all! (SOTD) I love you all, God bless you! (SOTD) I love you guys! (LAL) Here's a Song� -------------- Here's a song called "Desire" (LAL) Here's a song called "Mr. Crowley" (LAL) Here's a song called "No More Tears" (LAL) Here's a song called "Goodbye to Romance" (LAL) Here's a song all about it, it's called "Miracle Man" (LAL) Attempted Homicide and Musical Genres ------------------------------------- You can't kill rock 'n' roll! (T) How To Break Into the Music Business ------------------------------------ Oh and by the way, we're recording tonight's show, so if you can beat the noise of last night, you know, you get to go on my f****** live album (LAL) John "Monty" Osbourne --------------------- Okay, I'll make a f****** deal with you guys as this is my last tour. I'll do one more f****** song, but you gotta go extra, extra, extra, extra f****** crazy! Is that a f****** deal!? Is that a deal!? Are you going to carry on until I can hear every motherf****** in this building!?! (LAL) Meet The Band ------------- Mr. Randy Rhoads! (T) Mr. Tommy Aldridge! (T) Mr. Zakk Wylde on guitar! (LAL) Mr. Randy Castillo, come on! (LAL) Mr. Tommy Aldridge on drums, thank you! (T) Let's hear it for Mr. Randy Castillo, come on! (LAL) Memories Are Made of This ------------------------- We're gonna do a number now, which was the very first number I ever wrote in my life. It's a number called "Black Sabbath!" We're gonna do a number now which is the last number I ever recorded with Black Sabbath. It's a number called "Never Say Die" (SOTD) Mental Illness is Not a Stigma ------------------------------ Are we all crazy yet? (SOTD) Are we going crazy? (SOTD) What am I? Crazy? (SOTD) Let's go crazy! (SOTD) Go crazy! (LAL) Go crazy, come on! (JSO) Let the madness begin! (JSO) Miscellaneous ------------- Ah! (SOTD) Ow! (SOTD) Aah! (SOTD) Hey! (SOTD) Yeah! (JSO) Alright! (SOTD) Ha ha! (SOTD) Hahaha! Whoo! (SOTD) Motivation 101 -------------- Come on! (SOTD) Let's go! (SOTD) Let's go man! (T) You guys in the back as well, come on! (LAL) Numbers ------- We're gonna do a number now about cocaine (SOTD) We're gonna do a number called "War Pigs!" (SOTD) We're gonna do a number now called "Fairies Wear Boots!" (SOTD) We're gonna do a brand new number for you now! (T) We're gonna do a number off the album now (T) It's a number called "Goodbye To Romance" (T) It's a number called "Suicide Solution" (T) It's a number called "No Bone Movies" (T) It's a number called "Snowblind" (SOTD) Numbers (British) ----------------- We're gonna do a number now that I'm sure you're all familiar of. It's a number called "Iron Man" (SOTD) Ozzy Osbourne and the Gang -------------------------- Will you like to do some singing with me? (LAL) Ozzy Says --------- Lift your hands in the air and do everything I do! (LAL) Ozzy the Lycanthrope -------------------- Everybody howl! (LAL) Ozzy, What's Your Favorite Television Series? --------------------------------------------- Cheers! (SOTD) Practice Tape For Aspiring MTV Censors -------------------------------------- I can't f****** hear you! (LAL) I still can't f****** hear you! (LAL) Come on, I can't f****** hear you (LAL) I want to hear you f*ckin's, come on! (LAL) We got some f****** lungs in here tonight (LAL) Let me see your f****** hands in the air! (LAL) Let me see your f****** cigarette lighters! (LAL) I wanna see everybody's f****** hands, c'mon! (LAL) Will you like to do some f****** singing with me? (LAL) I sure am gonna miss the f*** out of you guys (LAL) Restating the Obvious --------------------- Rock 'n' Roll! (T) Are you ready to rock n roll? (T) It's what rock 'n' roll's about! (T) We're gonna do a little more rock 'n' roll now! (T) Reunion ------- Mr. Tony Iommi, Mr. Geezer Butler, Mr. Bill Ward, Ozzy Osbourne. You got Black Sabbath back, man. (LAL) Rumors of My Retirement Have Been Greatly Exaggerated ----------------------------------------------------- The madman is back! (SOTD) Say Good Night, Ozzy -------------------- Thank you, good night! (JSO) Thank you, good night, we love you all! (SOTD) Thank you, good night, God bless you all! (LAL) I love you, God bless you all, good night! (LAL) Ozzy Osbourne and the Gang -------------------------- I want everybody singing now! (LAL) Synonym For Agitated Or Highly Excited State -------------------------------------------- Ow! Let's go animals! (SOTD) The Art of Impersonating a Choo-Choo ------------------------------------ Whoo! (T) Whoo! Whooo! (SOTD) Whoo! Whooo! Whooo! (SOTD) The Affirmative Ozz ------------------- Okay! (T) The Concerned Ozz ----------------- How are you people? (SOTD) How you feelin out there? (T) The Critical Ozz ---------------- I can't see a crazy f****** crowd here, man (LAL) The Dedicating Ozz ------------------ This album's for you people, man! (SOTD) The Evangelical Ozz ------------------- God Bless you all! (SOTD) God Bless you! (SOTD) Alright brother, c'mon! (SOTD) The Indecipherable Ozz --------------------- Boogie! (LAL) My babies! (?) (LAL) If you see somebody whose not clapping their hands, tell 'em! (?) (LAL) Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! (????????) (LAL) The Informal Ozz ---------------- Hey what's happenin'? (SOTD) The Insecure Ozz ---------------- Are we having a good time out there tonight? (LAL) Are we all having a good time tonight? (LAL) I said are you having a good time? (LAL) Is this a good time or what? (SOTD) Hey, we're having fun, huh? (SOTD) Isn't this fun? (SOTD) The Observing Ozz ----------------- You all sound really rowdy to me tonight (LAL) The Responsive Oz ----------------- Okay, I'll do "Sweet Leaf" for you (SOTD) The Self-Denigrating Ozz ------------------------ We're going to do a song now which kinda of says it all. It's a song called "Road to Nowhere" (LAL) The Theological Ozz ------------------- You know what? You know what really pisses me off, man? I don't get this where you have to pay to see God, man. "I'm gonna die to- morrow; if I don't get seven million dollars, I'll die." Well, you know I say f****** die a**hole. I mean, it's these kinds of guys that say "if you listen to the likes of Ozzy Osbourne you're sure as one gonna go to hell." (LAL) The Theological and *Optimistic* Ozz ------------------------------------ Well, if that's the case, we're gonna have a f****** good ol' time down there! (LAL) What Would Sharon Say? ---------------------- We're gonna do a number now, which I haven't done on stage since 1972. At the old Fillmore East. Does anybody remember the Fillmore East? C'mon let me hear it! The Fillmore East, man! I used to get sh*t faced there every night, man! And the groupies huh? (SOTD) Discography ----------- Speak of the Devil - Jet, 1982 Songs: Symptom Of The Universe, Snowblind, Black Sabbath, Fairies Wear Boots, War Pigs, The Wizard, N.I.B., Sweet Leaf, Never Say Die, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, Iron Man, Children Of The Grave, Paranoid Performers: Tommy Aldridge (d), Rudy Sarzo (b), Ozzy Osbourne (v), Brad Gillis (g) Tribute - CBS Associated, 1987 Songs: I Don't Know, Crazy Train, Believer, Mr. Crowley, Flying High Again, Revelation (Mother Earth), Steal Away (The Night), Suicide Solution, Iron Man, Children Of The Grave, Paranoid, Goodbye To Ro- mance, No Bone Movies, Dee (Studio Out-takes) Performers: Tommy Aldridge (d), Randy Rhoads (g), Ozzy Osbourne (v), Rudy Sarzo (b) Just Say Ozzy - CBS Associated, 1990 Songs: Miracle Man, Bloodbath In Paradise, Shot In The Dark, Tat- tooed Dancer, Sweet Leaf, War Pigs Performers: Randy Castillo (d), Zakk Wylde (g), Ozzy Osbourne (v), Geezer Butler (b) Live and Loud - Epic/Sony, 1993 Songs: Paranoid, I Don't Know, I Don't Want To Change The World, Desire, Mr. Crowley, Road To Nowhere, No More Tears, Flying High Again, Suicide Solution, Goodbye To Romance, Shot In The Dark, Miracle Man, War Pigs, Changes, Bark At The Moon, Mama I'm Coming Home, Crazy Train, Black Sabbath Performers: Randy Castillo (d), Zakk Wylde (g), Ozzy Osbourne (v), Mike Inez (b) Copyright 2002 by Michael J. 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