Living Hell - Volume #3, Issue #1


April 16, 2003

Special Long Time, No Writ Edition!


  o Chivalry is Dead
  o Book is Finished
  o Album Reviews
  o The French

Chivalry is Dead

Seen on Highway 70 in Goldsboro:  woman with gas can crossing road-
way while husband / boyfriend / travel companion sits in driver's
seat of stalled car.

Book is Finished

RALEIGH AND WAKE COUNTY FIREFIGHTING was sent to the printer last
month.  The 128-page collection of historical photos-- dating late
1800's to present-- is the latest volume in Arcadia Publishing's
vast "Images of America" series.  Three chapters of photos-plus-
captions cover the City of Raleigh, the Town of Cary, and Apex to
Zebulon: The Rest of Wake.  There's also a thousand-word introduc-
tion and a short bibliography.  Should be in stores in June or July.
See www.legeros.com/book for more information.

Album Reviews

HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES is the twice-dumped directing debut of heavy-
metal boogie man Rob Zombie-- a cheesy, queasy, backwoods blood-let-
ting, or so the reviews say.  Opinions of the *movie* are mixed, but
the soundtrack album is a gas.  Five strong Zombie tracks for start-
ers-- a reprise of the title track, which appeared on Rob's last al-
bum THE SINISTER URGE, and four new ones.  (And most of 'em curous-
ly... danceable.)  There's also a quartet eclectic oldies by Buck
Owens, Slim Whitman, Helen Kane, and the Ramones, bits of dialogue
and/or screaming, and several snippets of spooky background music.
Alas, the cuing could be better as two of the Zombie tracks-- "Pussy
Liquor" (!) and "Little Piggy"-- open with dialogue that many might
chose to skip.  But that's what fast-forward is for...  Whether or
not you're a Rob Zombie fan or have even seen the movie, this one's
fun all-around.  And arguably a must-have as a Halloween sampler.
Where else are you gonna hear Lionel Ritchie singing on a funked-up,
hard-guitar remake of the disco hit "Brickhouse?"  Yeah!

GOT SWING! is the latest from the ever-prolific Cincinnati Pops Or-
chestra and versatile maestro Erich Kunzel.  This time swing's the
thing with the really big band joined by the Manhattan Transfer,
singer/guitarist John Pizzarelli, and, performing solo, Manhattan
member Janis Siegel.  The swing-era standards include "String of
Pearls," "Choo Choo Ch'Boogie," "Jumpin' at the Woodside," and, of
course, "It Don't Mean a Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)."  And
darned if that big, fat, pops orchestra doesn't git it.  They boog-
ie, woogie, and turn on a dime and just as effectively as 1988's
toe-tapping "Big Band Hit Parade."  (That one starred everyone from
Doc Severinsen to Cab Calloway.)  Players get improvised solos, the
rhythm section sizzles like a George Foreman grill, and the record-
ing has a meaty bottom end, so important for those stompin' bass
notes.  And only one ballad in the deal, Siegel's matronly "I'll Be
Seeing You."  Just try to sit still listening to this one.

The French

Are we still mad at the French?  And still dubbing French fries
"freedom fries?"  For those still lexicographically fuming, here
are some other "French words" that could be renamed:

  o French Bean        ->    Liberty Bean
  o French Berry       ->    Democracy Berry
  o French Bulldog     ->    Patriot Bulldog
  o French-Canadian    ->    Confederate-Canadian
  o French Chalk       ->    Republic Chalk
  o French Chop        ->    Revolutionary Chop
  o French Cowslip     ->    Bombs-Bursting-In-Air Cowslip
  o French Cuff        ->    Washington Cuff
  o French Curve       ->    Jefferson Curve
  o French Dip         ->    Lincoln Dip
  o French Door        ->    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Door
  o French Dressing    ->    Independence Dressing
  o French Honeysuckle ->    Emancipation Honeysuckle
  o French Horn        ->    Self-Governing Horn
  o French Kiss        ->    First Amendment Kiss
  o French Leave       ->    Constitutional Leave
  o French Pastry      ->    Lewinsky Pastry
  o French Pie         ->    Of The People Pie
  o French Provincial  ->    Star-Spangled Provincial
  o French Toast       ->    Cowboy Toast
  o French Tub         ->    Great Satan Tub
  o French Window      ->    Nuke-ular Window

Copyright 2003 by Michael J. Legeros




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