Faithful (1996)

I really really really wanted to walk out of this terrible movie, 
but I didn't.  Instead, I stayed and endured, in spite of the sheer 
awfulness that erupts when a hit man (Chazz Palminteri) breaks into 
a housewife's (Cher) expensive home, only to begin sprouting 
monologues about fidelity and faithfulness.  Paul Mazursky directs 
from Chazz's play, which also stars a pudgy Ryan O'Neal as the 
husband who hires the "contract artist."  The plans go afoul when 
the neurotic hit man-- he calls his shrink while "on duty"-- begins 
to fall for the wife.  (He's obviously moved by her unnatural 
beauty and a voice that sounds like a perpetual head cold.)  The 
laughs in this movie number, oh, about ten.  The dialogue is 
probably racy enough to keep you awake, if that be your type of 
torture.  Or, just pass the time by imagining David Letterman as 
the host of next year's Oscar ceremony:  Chazz, Cher; Cher, Chazz.  
(Rated "R"/91 min.)

Grade: F

[ Video note:  For a *real* intimately hilarious hostage comedy, go       
  rent THE REF (1993).  Kevin Spacey, Judy Davis, and Denis Leary.    
  You'll laugh. ]

Copyright 1996 by Michael J. Legeros

Originally posted to triangle.movies in MOVIE HELL: March 7, 1996