Alternate Endings

Does she live?  Does she die?  Does she get pregnant?  With so many 
unanswered questions left at the end of CONTACT, allow me to pre-
sent these, a handful of alternate endings to the most exciting 
boring movie of the summer.  Or does that distinction belong to 
FACE/OFF?

  o Foster stands up in the middle of the hearings and shouts "To 
    hell with this, I'm going to Disneyworld!"

  o Foster confides to McConaughey "Dammit, at least I got laid."

  o Foster asks the committee "Do I get my cool silver suit back?"

  o Foster pulls out Occam's Razor and slices James Woods across
    the forehead.

  o Foster gets a cameo appearance in the next BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD
    movie as a scientist who claims to have seen Uranus.

  o Foster is sent to Cape Canaveral to meet the next astronaut, a 
    tall guy in sneakers carrying a box of chocolates.

  o Foster learns that a black monolith appeared outside her lab, 
    fell over, and killed the blind guy.

  o Foster is told that "top men" are continuing her experiments.
    Then you hear the sound of hammering.

  o Foster turns to the children, gets down on one knee, and tells 
    them "there's no God, Santa Claus isn't real, and your parents 
    are going to die someday."

  o Foster's picture appears on the front of a tabloid newspaper,
    which is sitting on the dash of a black car, occupied by two
    men in black.

  o Foster narrates an extended special effects sequence featuring
    Bill Clinton, Bernard Shaw, Bryant Gumble, and Larry King
    debating whether or not the music of John Tesh constitutes
    contact from an alien intelligence.


For Carl...

Copyright 1997 Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

Originally posted to triangle.movies in MOVIE HELL: July 13, 1997