Angel Eyes (2001)

ANGEL EYES, which, for the record, was screened solely at the request 
of She Who Sometimes Gets a Say in What We See [author's companion's 
note: yeah right], is an overlong, under-interesting, reconciliation-
themed love story slash police drama slash seemingly supernatural mys-
tery that pairs Jennifer "Hey, look, she's wearing clothes that ain't 
see-through!" Lopez with FREQUENCY's Jim Caviezel, the former playing a 
tough, chip-shouldered Chicago street cop; the latter, a morose, moody, 
[insert own "m" adjective] mystery man with minimal identity and a pen-
chant for good-deed doing.  (Neither, however, explains his apparent 
aversion to shampoo.  Perhaps he once had a traumatic encounter with 
cream rinse...)  The Mopester enters the officer's romantically appre-
hensive life approximately one year after the events depicted in the 
credits sequence, where Lopez is shown tending a Very Bad Wreck (VBW), 
repeatedly instructing a victim to "look at me" as their consciousness 
(and subsequently the screen) fades to black.  Fast-forward 365 days 
and Moody Boy saves Police Girl's life, she starts falling in love, he 
starts evading her questions, and, eventually, Caviezel's "Catch" (no, 
he's not 22) spills his character's beans.  (There's also a clunky sub-
plot involving a strained father-daughter relationship, for domestic 
abuse Lopez's character once reported.)  Alas, the late-arriving reve-
lation is more yawner than stunner and shouldn't come as a surprise to 
anyone with even *half* a suspense-minded mind.  (Well, unless you're 
expecting something *supernatural* in nature.  Thanks a lot, SIXTH 
SENSE.)

Of course. the same, solvable-in-five-minutes-or-less story details are 
shown in the film's *trailer*, thus negating the need for even *seeing* 
this one.  That is, unless you're starved for some good, old-fashioned, 
all-too-predictable tear-jerking.  Plus Lopez is largely believable, 
both when slamming a suspect's face onto a car hood after his inappro-
priate touching (with accompanying fist-pumping from fairer female 
viewers) and as her Cupid-cynic character begins to slowly soften on-
screen.  Yup, your wife, girlfriend, or finance will love it.  Just be-
ware the beginning of hour two and a bit of underwear-clad skinny-dip-
ping set to some sappy ballad.  The actress's appearance in a sports 
bra and panties notwithstanding-- long shots only, sorry-- that's your 
cue to hit the lobby, Charlie, lest ye experience a severe, Shout Back 
at the Screen (SBAS) reaction after hearing Lopez's breathless request 
to "Kiss me somewhere I've never been kissed before."  Bluugghh.  Nice, 
if under-complete portrayal of Female Police Office Hell throughout, 
too.  And, since Caviezel has now handled both police and *fire* duties 
(FREQUENCY was about firefighters, 'member?), I guess we'll be seeing 
him in a *paramedic* movie next.  Luis Mandoki, who helmed another 
star-powered snooze-fest, Kevin Costner's MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE, directs. 
(Rated "R"/103 min.)

Grade: C

Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros