Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

 
FREDDY GOT FINGERED, arguably the textbook definition of "cinematic 
abomination," features the following:  

  o writer/director/notorious MTV boundary pusher Tom Green rid-
    ing a skateboard through a crowded indoor shopping mall, Sex 
    Pistols on the soundtrack ("Problems"), and the "actor" ap-
    parently doing his own stunts.

  o Green in a LeBaron convertible (light blue), en route from 
    Portland to L.A., pulling off the highway to interrupt ac-
    tivities at a stud farm, to hand-stimulate a horse penis
    (on-screen, of course).

  o Green dry-humping the assembly-line conveyor belt at the 
    cheese sandwich factory where he's subsequently employed.

  o Green bluffing his way into Hollywood animation studio, but 
    upon discovering that The Person to See is at lunch, learns 
    his location by informing Drew Barrymore's secretary that 
    said exec's wife is dead.

  o Green screaming at the top of his lungs in said restaurant, 
    while dressed as a London bobby.

  o Green driving *back* to Portland, but not before happening 
    upon a road-kill deer, which he guts (again on-screen) and
    whose bloody carcass he cavorts around in as the soundtrack 
    plays "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing."

  o Green finishing that sequence by being struck (and dragged 
    several yards) by a tractor-trailer truck.  "I didn't see
    *that* one coming," notes he.

  o Green inciting Rip Torn (as his father) into shouting ob-
    scenities out a window, after using a nail gun in the middle 
    of the night to finish building a skateboard ramp.

  o Green rushing to the side of Harland Williams, who breaks his 
    leg while testing said ramp, the compound fracture displayed 
    in bone-protruding close-up and which Green inexplicably be-
    gins licking (yum!).

  o Green visiting his friend in the hospital, in a room with a
    pregnant woman, whose violently expelled (not to mention blo-
    ody bloody) baby he "delivers," severing the umbilical cord
    with his teeth (yum *yum*!).

  o Green caning the legs of a young, paralyzed nurse who is al-
    so studying rocket science (she wants her wheelchair to go 
    *very* fast), and, now aroused and not minding the "used"
    umbilical cord taped to his belly "for fun," attacks him for
    oral sex.

  o Green again inciting Mr. Torn, this time into breaking down 
    the door of a basement bathroom, to discover the shower-
    taking star (a.) in full diving gear and (b.) pretending his 
    soap-on-a-rope is "found treasure."  


Okay, so maybe this guy's an idiot.  Or a genius.  Or both.  His 
*movie*, however, is utterly moronic.  At least on first viewing. 
Er, first *sampling,* as Yours Self Preservation Seeking expected-
ly left early, not even *remotely* interested in pondering the 
film's curious themes of screaming, bodily injuries, body fluids,
and hand-picked punk tunes.  (I *did* observe that the highly gra-
phic film isn't *sexually* graphic.  Now there's something I might
watch 'till the end, Green given an "NC-17" arsenal!)  Maybe if I 
had a background in clinical psychology...  (Rated "R"/95 min.)
 
Grade: W/O

Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros