Letters to Hell - April 2000



  - Introduction
  - Maybe Ebay?
  - They *Were* Good, Weren't They?
  - Obviously Not
  - Because I Didn't
  - Maybe the Internet Movie Database?
  - It's Something to Do
  - Cleaning the Toilet
  - Oddly, So Do My Friends
  - Uhhhh
  - Great Zero-G Stuff, Too!
  - Mouth Like a Hoover 
  - Vicarious Sex
  - A Very Young Terence Stamp?
  - The North Carolina Transportation Museum in Spencer


Another batch of letters, culled from personal e-mail and USENET
postings.  As usual, the last names have been dropped, to protect
the guilty.  Enjoy!

Maybe Ebay?

[ From:  Jim in Australia ]

> Where can I buy used or replica props from SCHINDLER'S LIST?

They *Were* Good, Weren't They?

[ From: Jane in Chapel Hill ]

> You forgot to mention the great costuming.  Somebody was howling 
> for months choosing those outfits.  

Obviously Not

[ From: Someone on AOL ]
[ Re: THE PEST ]

> > Grade: F
> The pest is the best movie ever and if you don't like it you 
> don't know good humor when you see it.

Because I Didn't

[ From: Someone ]

> > Grade: D+
> Did you seriously not find it that funny?  I saw it as a very 
> goofy and fun movie.  Everyone I know that has seen it loves it.
> Why didn't you find it funny??

Maybe The Internet Movie Database?

[ From: Bieberer in Germany ]

> We are opticians and desperately seeking the sunglasses Jeremy 
> Irons wears in the movie.  Perhaps you can help us?  We are very 
> glad about any hint.

It's Something To Do

[ From: Bart in Raleigh ]

> > Grades: C (SHY) C+ (DESTINATION) C+ (DEATH) B- (DOG)
> Honestly, when was the last time you've actually really enjoyed a 
> movie?  Why do you even bother going anymore??

Cleaning the Toilet

[ From: Debbie in Pennsylvania ]
[ Re: LIFE ]

> > Grade: W/O
> > 
> It's a shame you walked out.  The outtakes at the end were the 
> only funny part.  Luckily, my husband rented it, so at least I
> could do something more fun (like cleaning the toilet) while it 
> was on.

Oddly, So Do My Friends

[ From: Lyman in response to Bart ]

> > Honestly, when was the last time you've actually really
> > enjoyed a movie?  Why do you even bother going anymore??
> Here's my two cents on it.  I basically take Mike's rating
> and add a letter grade to account for his general contrariness.


[ From: Someone ]

> Hello, in your review you mentioned the core story.  Can you give 
> me your opinion in the main political argument of the movie as it 
> relates to either present times or earlier times when the United 
> States started to grow as a big nation? 

Great Zero-G Stuff, Too!

[ From: Jim in Cary ]

> Hard to believe DePalma could make such a bad movie.  My 7 year 
> old, who wants to be a rocket scientist, enjoyed it very much. 
> And that is the level the movie is at.  Hard to believe.  Wasted 
> screen space, really.  Great special effects though--- the shot 
> of the tethered astronauts floating above Mars was really spec-
> tacular.

Vicarious Sex

[ From: Someone Else ]

> Can you help me remember the name of a movie?  It came out about 
> three or four years ago and was a small film.  It took place in 
> either Ireland or Scotland.  It was about these two people who 
> fall in love and get married.  Then he has some kind of accident 
> on an oil rig where he works and is paralyzed.  He then starts 
> having vicarious sex through his wife, who goes out and has sex 
> with strange men, and then comes home and tell him about it.
> Does this sound familiar?  

[ And the answer is... BREAKING THE WAVES ]

Mouth Like a Hoover

[ From: Carrie in Raleigh ]

> I'm so surprised you didn't mention Jackson's excellent perfor-
> mance as a drooling vegetable [ during the mental hospital se-
> quence ].  My husband and I laughed so loud that we turned a few 
> heads in the theater.  Was that supposed to be taken seriously?
> And what do you mean *who*?  Joshua is the lovable Pacey on "Daw-
> son's Creek."  He also had the most memorable line in the other
> wise forgettable movie CRUEL INTENTIONS:  "He had a mouth like a 
> hoover."  Oooh baby!

[ My thoughts exactly! ]

If The Times Doesn't Bother

[ From Ellen ]

> > Stars the voices of Kenneth Branaugh
> You know, it's been over a decade since Kenneth B-R-A-N-A-G-H 
> graced (or blighted, depending on your POV) the film world with 
> his presence, and you'd think that experienced Internet movie re-
> viewers would know how to properly spell his name by now.  Then 
> again, the "New York Times" had a story yesterday on the upcoming 
> TV version of FAIL SAFE which misspelled an actor's name (Noah 
> Wylie) repeatedly, so I guess I shouldn't complain.  Hey, if the 
> "Times" doesn't care...

[ I thought that's what readers are for... ]  

A Very Young Terence Stamp?

[ From: Rick ]

> I saw a Fellini short as a young boy, which had more impact on me 
> than any movie since.  The title is TOBY DAMMIT (1960), but it's 
> no longer available.  Are titles from great directors sometimes 
> removed from circulation (legal fights, etc.)?  It was an amazing 
> movie; I was 10-11 at the time.  A reckless young man (a very
> young Terance Stamp?) carelessly drives around Rome in a Ferrari 
> and takes the life of a young girl playing on the street.  We see 
> bouncing away a big white ball with which she was playing.  From 
> there on, we don't know if he was also killed in the accident, or 
> if he descended into his own private hell.  In trying to escape, 
> he continues to run into dead ends, and at each dead end is the 
> ghostly figure of the dead girl, bouncing her ball away.  After 
> each dead end he becomes more frantic, the car is roaring faster 
> and faster through the streets at night, the streets are getting 
> narrower and narrower, and the movie ends with tires screeching.
> I'm 48 now, it's been 38 years since I saw this film and I still 
> think of it often, and I still search it out.  Any hint as to 
> where I could locate a copy?

[ Maybe ebay or another auction house.  Also, try searching yahoo  
  for rare video stores.  Also, the Internet Movie Database, at
  http://us.imdb.com, may have some information ]

The North Carolina Transportation Museum in Spencer

[ From: Steven in Auburn, Alabama ]

> You write that this was filmed in North Carolina.  Perhaps that 
> explains the scene at the end where they show a Southern Railroad
> locomotive taking a character away from Greenville, Mississippi 
> to the north.  That is inaccurate in that the Southern Railroad, 
> while it did serve Mississippi, never went to the Mississippi 
> Delta.  I think the Illinois Central would be the line for that 
> town.  Southern had a line up in northeastern Mississippi for a 
> Chattanooga-Memphis train, but the main route through Mississippi 
> was through the southeastern Piney Woods part of the state for 
> trains on their way to New Orleans via Meridian, Laurel, Hatties-
> burg and Picayune.  The locomotive in the movie is actually at 
> the North Carolina Transportation Museum in Spencer.  I know be-
> cause the number plates on the front of the train are 6133.  I 
> have a picture in my office of that very engine which I took at 
> the museum.  I suppose "Southern Railroad" looks good for the
> movie and Greenville, South Carolina would have matched with the
> Southern part, but the not Greenville, Mississippi.

[ And thus concludes that train of thought.  Ha!

  Good night everybody... ]

Copyright 2000 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

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Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros -Movie Hell™ is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros