Letters to Hell - February 2001



  o Praise
  o More Praise
  o Clooney Mouth
  o Database Needed
  o Kiss Me, Kiss Me
  o It's Official
  o Escapees From Some Fundamentalist Asylum
  o Grandstanding of the Worst Order
  o Rourke Face
  o Plagarizing Bastard
  o Just So We Can Understand
  o Different Tastes


The first batch o' letters of oh one...  Mostly USENET postings this 
time, culled from triangle.movies and rec.arts.current-movies.  And, 
as usual, the identity of the sender or poster has been concealed. 
You know, to be polite and ensure that *I'm* the only one who gets 
to make of them...

[ From: Ellen in Raleigh ]

> Good one.  "A."  Nothing pretentious.  Funny, silly, warm-- star 
> turn by that Raffalo guy.  Linney, too.

More Praise

[ From: Miranda in London ]
[ Re: QUILLS ]

> Walked out?  Hope you go back soon.  We loved it!  Yes, it's camp.  
> And, I think, quite like a play, which is interesting as it is and 
> was adapted by the playwright.  We thought Geoffrey and M. Caine 
> were fab and Joaquin the weakest link.

Clooney Mouth

[ From: Someone ]

> Thanks for saving me from a bad experience... all that gospel and 
> country stuff?  Eeeeww, eeeek, and of course Clooney.  What is it 
> with his mouth?  Something went wrong in the experiment.

[ You're saying... it bites? ]

Database Needed

[ From: Tom ]

> I wonder if you could please help me.  I've been checking out the 
> movies newsgroups to try and get hold of a movie database to use  
> or buy.  I've checked the Internet Movie Database, which is good, 
> but I need the database on my own machine.  Would you happen to 
> know where I could get hold of this?

[ Maybe something like Microsoft's Cinematter, if it's still made? ]

Kiss Me, Kiss Me

[ From: Keisha ]

> There's a song in this movie I've been trying to find for years!  
> I don't know the name nor who sings it, but a few of the words 
> are:
>   "Kiss me, kiss me, and when you do I know that you will
>    miss me, miss me, if we ever say adieu, so kiss me, 
>    kiss me, make me think that I'm in love with you."

[ Try a music site, to see if there's a soundtrack.  Then check 
  the track listing ]

It's Official

[ From: Dave ]

> > You're guaranteed at least a couple guffaws-- be it the simple
> > silliness of Biggs' wearing Adam Sandler's WEDDING SINGER 'do, 
> > to the sublimely surreal sight of lunatic tough-guy R. Lee Ermry 
> > (the boy's former football coach) "doing his business" in the 
> > yard *and* reaching into the mailbox to complete the necessary 
> > "paperwork!"
> It's official... I won't be seeing this one, either.  Thanks for 
> the warning.

[ You're welcome ]

Escapees From Some Fundamentalist Asylum

[ From: J ]

> > Easily the year's easiest film to make fun of and get *flamed* 
> > for making fun of...
> Speaking of which, I've been meaning to ask: has anyone else seen 
> the similarly-themed End Times miniseries-thing that plays late 
> nights on Time-Warner public access?  *Well* worth seeking out.  
> Lurid, psychedelic, wildly erratic -- like a TV movie created by 
> escapees from some fundamentalist asylum.  And what's with the kid 
> with the big fake Pringles-man mustache?  Anybody know what this 
> thing is called or how exactly it came to be?

[ Don't have the faintest, but I'm certainly gonna tune in! ]

Grandstanding of the Worst Order

[ From: Gregor ]
[ Re: The Year in Review ]

> Bubba, I suggest you forebear from reviewing movies that you walk 
> out on.  Just call it a walk-out and stop there.  If you don't en-
> dure the whole thing you've got no standing to review the movie 
> IMO.  For you to go on at length about some flick you didn't even 
> watch is grandstanding of the worst order.

[ Will do, hoss, just as soon as I figger out what a "forebear" is ]


[ From: Jane ]

> > If you don't endure the whole thing you've got no standing to 
> > review the movie IMO.  
> I disagree.  If we read reviews to figure out whether we're going 
> to like a given movie, then sharing the reasons that lead to a 
> walk-out is very helpful.  I once walked out on a famous movie be
> cause it was SO BORING I COULD NOT KEEP MY EYES OPEN.  Should I 
> have suppressed that information when people asked?  Go Legeros!  
> I always look forward to your reviews even if I don't share your 
> biases.

[ I have biases!?!? ]

Rourke Face

[ From: Rich ] 

> I see Mickey Rourke plays some kind of cross-dresser in the movie.  
> Guess all the steroids he gulped during his abortive boxing career 
> (and made him look like a freak to boot!) have finally taken the 
> ultimate toll.

[ From: Norman ]

> That's ANIMAL FACTORY you're thinking of.  And while I'll be the 
> first to acknowledge that, now, Rourke's face looks like he's wear
> ing it as a mask, his five-minute scene is probably the highlight 
> of THE PLEDGE.  He's terrific.


[ From: Sybil in Cary ]
> I read the book after seeing the movie.  And even though the novel 
> is set in Switzerland-- and was written over 30 years ago!-- Penn 
> is faithful to its spirit.  Like the movie, the book also opens 
> with a glimpse of the shattered protagonist, so, as you said, you 
> know it ain't gonna have a happy ending!  The only big difference 
> is that the novel clearly states that Nicholson's character delib-
> erately becomes involved with the woman for the reasons he does.  
> In the movie, I think it's up to the viewer to decide if that's 
> Jack's motivation all along.

[ Interesting! ]

Plagiarizing Bastard

[ From: Matt ]

> > Along the way they meet a blind prophet, cut a smash single (as 
> > the "Soggy Mountain Boys") 
> I coulda sworn it was "Soggy Bottom Boys", but maybe I just missed 
> it.  Otherwise, pretty spot on review.

[ From: Will ]

> It *is* the Soggy Bottom Boys.  I think while Mr. Legeros was busy
> copying some of the information from "The Spectator's" critique of 
> the movie, he inadvertently copied their mistaken use of "Soggy 
> Mountain Boys" as well.  Hrmph.

[ That, or he was thinking of the legendary *Foggy* Mountain Boys.  
  Plus, I copy *my* information from *elsewhere*, thank you very 
  much ]

Just So We Can Understand

[ From: Derek ]

> And just so I can understand...  Leaving aside FARGO, which may 
> have been a stroke of luck, is there some actual Coen Bros. movie 
> that *explains* why Coen fans still worship them?  Or have they 
> pretty much fallen into the David Lynch category of Innovative 
> Directors Who Don't Innovate Anymore, and Just Make Weird Home 
> Movies with Their Buddies?

[ From: Norm ]

> The trifecta of "Blood Simple", "Raising Arizona" and "Miller's 
> Crossing" kept me coming back even after "Barton Fink" and "The 
> Hudsucker Proxy", which I loathed with a passion.

[ From: DF ]

> Every movie they've ever made.

[ From: ? ]

> Yeah, all their other films, moron.

[ And I just like 'em 'cause they're from Minnesota ]

Different Tastes

[ From: Judi in Apex ]

> > Grade: B
> I was wondering what you would consider an "A" film?  Or what your
> -- and I was wondering just how different our tastes are in mov
> ies. Especially since you're very much looking forward to HANNIBAL 
> and I'm very much going to stay as far away as possible.

[ Good questions!

  I've awarded "A's" to the likes of

    o Chicken Run (2000)
    o Crumb (1995) 
    o The Dinner Game (1999)
    o Fargo (1996)
    o Quiz Show (1994)
    o Seven (1995)
    o Sling Blade (1997)
    o Toy Story (1995)

  with the full list available at the Movie Hell Rental Recommenda-
  tions page, http://www.moviehell.com/recommend.html


  As for favorites, I'd probably pick, oh

    o The Blues Brothers (1980)
    o The Exorcist (1973)
    o Casablanca (1942)
    o Dr. Strangelove (1964)
    o Jaws (1975)
    o Some Like it Hot (1950)
    o Star Wars (1977)
    o Young Frankenstein (1975).  

  And maybe a couple Pink Panther movies.  Like STRIKES AGAIN or 
  REVENGE.  Hello boys!


  As this is Oscar season, when Yours Truly invariably disses one or 
  more ultra-acclaimed (or ultra-popular) Best Picture candidates, 
  it's probably worth reviewing the Movie Hell Rating System, par-
  ticularly the letter grades, which is (are?) this critic's attempt 
  to objectively "rate" the film.  Not necessarily indicative of my 
  *enjoyment* of a movie--  that's what the *written* comments are 
  for!-- the rating is an easy way to indicate how well (or not so 
  well) a movie succeeds at "doing what it wants to do."  (Or, heh,   
  at least what I *think* it wants to do.)  Ergo, a "B" for GROUCHY 
  TIGER means the movie is good, but not *excellent* at reaching its 
  goals.  At least as *this* blow-hard sees it.

  Good night, everybody! ]

Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

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Copyright 2001 by Michael J. Legeros -Movie Hell™ is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros