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                    Letters to Hell - January 1999

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Contents
========

 - The Disclaimer
 - Oops!
 - Maybe I'd Better See That One
 - I Cried.  Seriously
 - Duh
 - What Happened to the Loot?
 - Happy Holidays
 - That Particular Theater
 - I Mean... Damn
 - Obsessed 
 - Merciless, Intolerant, and Deadly


The Disclaimer
==============

Mail to Movie Hell may be reprinted, though with the identity of the 
sender concealed. Same goes for USENET follow-ups. Messages may also
be edited for clarity, length, or just to make me look better...

 
Oops!
=====

[ From: Mary ]
[ Re: HILARY AND JACKIE ]
 
> Well, Mr. Legeros has made an error:  the co-authors of "Genius in
> the Family" are Hilary and her *brother* Piers.


Maybe I'd Better See That One...
================================

[ From: Jennifer in Durham ]

> Just to make you laugh, I'll tell you that I actually spent $6 to see 
> VARSITY BLUES.  I've never seen so many topless scenes!


I Cried.  Seriously
===================

[ From: Sara in Durham ]

> You walked out of MEET JOE BLACK?  The whole movie was worth the 
> last 15 minutes of the film.  I cried.  Seriously.  You had better go 
> see it again.  Has very good messages about what's really important in 
> life.

[ Such as tolerance for stuff that sucks? ]


Duh
===

[ From: Charles ]
[ Re: PRIMARY COLORS ]

> What did Elaine May have to do PRIMARY COLORS?  For some reason, you 
> still associate her with Mike Nichols.  That relationship was over a 
> generation ago.

[ She wrote the script. ]


What Happened to the Loot?
==========================

[ From: Don ]

> In THE USUAL SUSPECTS (a great film) I did take notes, but I still
> don't know what happened to the loot that was in the truck on the 
> pier.  Do you?  A response will settle a bet.

[ I haven't the faintest...]


Happy Holidays
==============

[ From: B. Chas ]

> > PRINCE OF EGYPT
> > Grade: B-
> > 
> > YOU'VE GOT MAIL
> > Grade: B-
> >  
> > BUG'S LIFE (Recent outtakes)
> > Grade: A
> 
> Wow.  It must be Christmas. 


That Particular Theater
=======================

[ From: Bart in Raleigh ]

> > At Mission Valley, where it took a good 30 minutes to get the damn 
> > thing focused, the sound quality also left something to be desired.  
> > I know *I* missed some dialogue...
>
> As an employee at Mission Valley, one who wasn't working during the
> screening of THE THIN RED LINE, I can attribute the problems to the 
> placement of the movie in that particular theater.  Since we were only 
> going to be showing the movie once, we did not put it into our best 
> theater.

[ Well, that's *one* approach to customer relations... ]


I Mean... Damn
==============

[ From: Skander ]
[ Re: a thread in rec.arts.movies.current-films ]

> > > What's the game?  The hardest-assed amateur film critic?  I vote 
> > > for Michael "Mr. Walkout" Legeros of Movie Hell, with Charles 
> > > Francois coming in a close second. 
> >
> > I can stand reviewers that are hard to please, but I feel Mr. Le-
> > geros is cynical and walks out on everything, because, as he not-so-
> > proudly states, he "don't get paid for this shit."
>
> Mike, in the past, has seemed rather pleased with his own hard-to-
> please-ness, but I have no trouble believing that the guy sincerely
> hasn't seen all that much to get excited about this year.  I mean... 
> damn.


Obsessed
========

[ From: Connie ]
[ Re: REALITY BITES (1994) ]

> I just read your review and I have a few problems.  I don't understand 
> why you said that Lelaina, Troy, Vicky, and Sammy were "infants" dur-
> ing the seventies.  If this movie was made in 1993, and they all just 
> graduated from college when the movie began, that means they were each 
> born in either '70 or '71.  Which means they spent much of their 
> *childhoods* in the seventies.  And besides, who says you have to have 
> lived in a generation to be crazy about it?  I know lots of people who 
> are *obsessed* with the sixties and/or seventies-- talk like it, dress 
> like it, listen to music from it, etc.-- and they weren't born during 
> that time!  *And*, as I recall, it was primarily Vickie who was into 
> seventies, not all of them.  Just because the others might have been 
> listening to a song or watching a TV show doesn't mean they were ob-
> sessed.

[ True. ]


Merciless, Intolerant, and Deadly
================================= 

[ From: John ]
[ Re: WHITE SQUALL (1996) ]

> I couldn't agree with you less about WHITE SQUALL.  Having a personal
> axe to grind is amongst your Constitutional rights, but trashing this
> valuable film, regardless of how popular your dim opinion may be 
> amongst critics, is inexcusable.
>
> WHITE SQUALL is the very first, perhaps the *only* film to show the 
> sea as she is-- unforgiving of error.  The flick may have been a bit 
> sappy at times, but with the whole world (except me, it would seem) 
> crying out for Family Values, you condemn it for having some princi-
> ples?  The kids were as they should be, physical attractiveness not-
> withstanding.  They were boys in the late sixties, acting as teens 
> act.
>
> Perhaps the worst part of your review is that it paints so ugly a
> picture that no one will get the opportunity to show what it *does* 
> have to offer.  I agree that the guys all look very similar, making it 
> hard to tell them apart, but it also sets solid examples for doing the 
> right thing, finding one's courage and personal best.  (One critic 
> even condemned that Bridges' on-screen wife was reduced to a "penicil-
> lin dispenser", entirely neglecting that she also served as his coun-
> terbalance and conscience.) 

> I'll admit to bias.  I'm a sailor, and not one which stays within the
> safety of the bays.  I'll also tell you that WHITE SQUALL is required
> viewing for all passengers and novice crew aboard my vessel.  Why?  It
> demonstrates a solid, legitimate view of the kind of life they're 
> about to enter.  It drives home that the sea is merciless, intolerant 
> and deadly.  It shows the critical importance of following a captain's
> orders.  But not every moviegoer is going to sea.  That's true.  
> Nevertheless, I can't think of any better expose on what it's like.  
> Can you?

[ Alas, I cannot.  Please watch this movie.  Twice, if possible. 
  Thank you and good night. ]

Copyright 1999 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros