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                    Letters to Hell - October 1999

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Contents
========

 - Zoned Out
 - Yes, But The Movie Sucks
 - Perchance to Dream of Better Movies
 - History of the World, Part I
 - Questions
 - For Your Information
 - The Graham Cinema
 - Homersexual
 - Overtones of "Toechter aus Elysium"
 - Please Do Not Disregard!
 - Make Hitler Look Like a Kindergarten Kid


Zoned Out
=========

[ From: Susan in Raleigh ]
[ Re: Thu, 2 Sep 1999 10:35:51 -0400 ]

> Mike!  Did you go to the movies in New Zealand!?  It's not Thurs-
> day night yet!  


Yes, But The Movie Sucks
========================

[ From: Linda in Cary ]
[ Re: HAPPY, TEXAS

> Jeremy Northam as an escaped convict in Texas?  Does he suppress
> his English accent??


Perchance to Dream of Better Movies
===================================

[ From: Greg ]
[ Re: Narcolepsy ]

> You seem to nod off in an awful lot of movies.  Do you work too 
> much or is it a sign of the recent quality of films?  

[ The latter, though the same effect has been observed while at-
  tending live theater! ]


History of the World, Part I
============================

[ From: Stuart ]
[ Re: MOVIE HELL: See a Viking Funeral! ]

> Nice to see a reference to a Mel Brooks flick, even if it's one
> of his weaker ones.

[ Hitler on Ice was harder to work in... ]


Questions
=========

[ From: Rachel ]

> Do you know how much money THE THIN RED LINE brought in?

[ From: Archy ]

> Where can I get the lyrics of the songs in NOTTING HILL?

[ From: Norma ]

> Can you help me find ASYLUM (1972) and I SAW WHAT YOU DID
> (1965)? 

[ No, no, and no, but the Internet Movie Database probably can.
  http://us.imdb.com ]


For Your Information
====================

[ From: Cynthia in California ]
[ Re: What's Coming Soon ]

> > Non-musical update of THE KING AND I, pairing Jodie Foster and 
> > Chow Yun Fat
> 
> ANNA AND THE KING OF SIAM, a non-musical, was originally produced
> for film in 1946.  Rex Harrison starred with Irene Dunne.  The
> musical version was written and produced for the stage, became a
> big Broadway hit, and was filmed in 1956.  FYI.

[ Interesting! ]


The Graham Cinema
=================

[ From: Bonnie in Mebane ]

> > DEEP BLUE SEA is dumb fin.  No wait, it's a long swim!  No 
> > wait, it's all wet!
> 
> You missed the obvious:  "This movie bites!  However, for the 
> sheer enjoyment of sitting in the back row of a rocking-chair 
> theater on a Saturday night, with refillable popcorn and Coke,
> we had a great time.

[ Chomp. ]


Homersexual
===========

[ From: Nicholas ]
[ Re: FEAR OF A BLACK HAT (1994) ]

> I am not too happy with the review that you gave this film.  Is 
> it hard to understand that some movies are made to entertain, and 
> serve no other purpose than that?  Are you the kind of person who 
> walks into a theater to see the latest Steven Seagal flick and 
> then walks out, not feeling satisfied because the story didn't 
> "have enough meat?"  I imagine that your review was so harsh be-
> cause you had a bad day or your boyfriend didn't call you back 
> last night after you argued for hours about his new "guy-friend".
> The point is, don't look for some kind of deep meaning in every-
> thing you see. 

[ I have a boyfriend?  Is he cute?? ]


Overtones of "Toechter aus Elysium"
===================================

[ From: George ]
[ Re: FIGHT CLUB ]

> Saw FIGHT CLUB one-and-a-half times.  Walked out on the first
> try because I got saturated with violence and the story looked
> to need a good hour of exposition to wind back to the opening
> scene.  Then read the book.  Then sat through the whole thing.
> It does have overtones of "Toechter aus Elysium" with palpebral 
> bracing, but arguably rates better than "C+."  The second time,
> I appreciated how good some of the acting was, especially minor 
> bits like "_A_ dildo.  Not... _YOUR_ dildo."  The biggest down-
> grade is that after the plot twist is revealed, the Nameless 
> Narrator and Tyler go on yammering at each other way, way, way 
> too long.  BTW, the book takes only about as long to read as the 
> flick does to watch.

[ palpebral \Pal"pe*bral\, a. (L. palpebralis, fr. palpebra: cf. F. 
  palp['e]bral.) Of or pertaining to the eyelids. ]


Please Do Not Disregard!
========================

[ From: Michael ]
[ Re: PHENOMENON ]

> Dear Sirs,
>
> I had my autobiography stolen and I believe the movie PHENOMENON 
> is based on it.  Please tell the director that there is a second
> part to the movie.  I can explain the UFO, the wind, the corn, 
> the radio station, the girl, the kids, the knowledge of commer-
> cial flower names, the doctor with the bow tie, the fingers like 
> vein in the brain, etc.  I want no money, just to tell the story
> right.  Please have him mail me.  If he does, I swear by my own 
> life that I will neither sue nor ask for anything.  But there is
> a part two that needs to be made.  In Stanford, VA, 135 surgeons
> were flown in to look at me.  It's true and I can prove it.  Pic-
> tures, the dog, the El Camino, the light (twice), the rabbit, the
> two beers, the birthday party, earthquake predictions.  I swear 
> to you, this is not a farce.

[ O-kay. ]


Make Hitler Look Like a Kindergarten Kid
========================================

[ From: Gil ]
[ Re: THE OMEGA CODE ]

> Yes, I think the movie could've had a better plot, yet it didn't 
> do too bad opening in only 304 theaters in its first week.  Your
> "F" might be a bit unfair.  That the title of this site is Movie
> Hell, I gather you review with a slight prejudice.  Funny, too, 
> that the fire department tanker you have featured on legeros.com
> is called "the beast."  Is it just because it's big or for other
> reasons?  Back in 1976-77, when I was 10 or 11, there was a news-
> paper article from "Brussels in Europe" that read:  "WE AT THE 
> UNITED NATIONS HAVE BEEN WORKING ON A GLOBAL CURRENCY SYSTEM FOR 
> THE NEAR FUTURE. WE ARE CONTINUING TO DEVELOP THIS SYSTEM FROM A  
> MAINFRAME COMPUTER THAT WE CALL "THE BEAST" WHICH IS HERE IN OUR 
> HEADQUARTERS IN BRUSSELS.  THIS COMPUTER AND ITS SYSTEMS ARE AL-
> LOCATED TAKING UP THREE WHOLE FLOORS OF THE BUILDING.  WE NEED A 
> MAN, AN EXTRAORDINARY GENIUS TO LEAD US IN THIS VENTURE, A MAN 
> THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED A SUPER HUMAN WITH CAPABILITIES BEYOND 
> THAT OF THE NATURAL MAN.  WE DON'T CARE IF HE COMES FROM GOD, AND 
> WE DON'T CARE IF HE COMES FROM THE DEVIL, BUT WE NEED THIS MAN TO 
> CARRY THIS PLAN FOR A ONE WORLD UNION."   Maybe you are correct 
> that this movie could have been better; the only problem is that 
> these things will actually happen and this ruler will make Hitler 
> look like a kindergarten kid.  Not to mention that "the beast" 
> will probably be a human clone.  I don't think this is a matter 
> of "thumbs up or down," but that the filmmakers made the movie in
> a way that doesn't step on anybody's toes.  If the public wants 
> to know more about these undeniable facts, they have the choice 
> to do that.

[ And there you go!  Good night everybody! ]

Copyright 1999 by Michael J. Legeros
Movie Hell is a trademark of Michael J. Legeros

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